New meds and loss

I thought a lot about whether to start the new meds my new psychiatrist gave me yesterday. He upped the dosage of my SSRI, which I took promptly, and added Abilify. My mom kind of freaked out at the idea of taking Abilify, because it's usually used to treat schizophrenia and bipolar, and the psych didn't say anything about a new diagnosis. The only thing he did say was that he hoped this would "help make things easier." Abilify has been used more recently with SSRIs to alleviate major depression, and that seems to be the purpose of my prescription.

Here's the problem. Not only are there a lot more side effects than I'm really willing to deal with (common ones include headache, nervousness/anxiety, insomnia, and stomach/GI issues), but anxiety and insomnia are the two things I needed help reducing. After talking to a friend who's taken Abilify for its original purposes, I decided I'd take it for a week and see how it went.

My usual sleep pattern is going to bed around 11, waking up momentarily at 3 and 6, and getting up with my alarm at 8. Usually I can fall back asleep easily, but not always. Last night I tossed and turned from around 2 to 6, and got up to take ibuprofen sometime in there for a headache. I feel anxious this morning.

It doesn't help that Boy 2 needs space to deal with this whole sex addiction thing. That feels like a loss that I wasn't prepared to deal with. A loss of a new person I liked, and of a connection that I didn't expect, and of the solution to feeling bored and unsexy. Am I glad I had great sex, or would I have rather not known what was possible? I guess it doesn't matter, because I don't get to choose now. It's 9 a.m. and I feel hopeless and sad. There's still a friend sleeping in my room, but I feel totally alone.  As usual, I can't think of anyone or anything that would help this feel better. I'm so tired of meeting new people. I just want the people I have.