Dreams

I've been having weird dreams lately, and I only remember snippets and feelings. Some of these are transparent, but I have no idea where the Biscuit ones come from. I'm not feeling any Biscuit-related angst lately.

-Me and T are in a car, on a winding bridge. I keep trying to make the hairpin turns at too high a speed, because I'm talking about something that upsets me. Eventually we go over the edge and dive into the water alongside the bridge. It's not urgent or scary, it's just like "oh damn."

-E answers my phone call or returns a call, and I ask him to tell me if his grandmother dies. She's been ill forever and I probably won't ever see her alive again, so I want to at least be at the funeral. He says he won't, and he explains why not. We talk about a few other things, I think about whether to be friends, and he explains honestly and calmly where he is and why it's not a good idea for him. I cry because it's not what I wanted, but I'm relieved that we could have an adult conversation.

-Me and the Biscuit are hanging out and we start having sex. It's hot, and incredibly comfortable.

-Later, the Biscuit and I are saying goodbye after a party with friends, and I hug him, and he says "I love you." I respond, "Awww, that's so sweet!" and he gives me exactly the look you should give someone when that happens. Sort of "huh?"

-I'm at a party and E and L are both there. It's uncomfortable, and I have the sensation of wearing scratchy wet wool lace. I think about whether to say anything to him, and eventually I come up with something I want to say. I think it's about his grandmother or something. I go up to him to say it, and he grabs me in a big hug. I pull away, surprised, and he hugs me again. Then we both go our separate ways, and it's fine. I don't think I ever said what I was going to. The feeling of reconciliation is palpable.