Every morning I wake up trying not to check social media. Every day at work I struggle to focus and not wonder why my phone is so quiet. I try not to notice if the boy I'm sporadically seeing is on gchat. I try not to think about whether the other guy I've been talking to is going to finally make real plans to hang out.
Then I decide I should do something to fix it, and I write, usually to a buddy. Today I feel like I've probably fried my regular buddies. I have no plans this week, and T is about to go to Germany for 10 days. I guess I do have plans Tuesday, but that's it. I left my gym bag home today because I forgot it's Wednesday, so I guess I'm not going to the gym. I need to set more volunteer training sessions, but I keep trying to keep my nights open for plans that keep not getting made. And running the store by myself will probably be kinda lonely.
I am not someone who thrives on my own. I am someone who loves having time alone when it's not the norm. I can take care of myself fine, and I can survive loneliness and boredom, but I don't like it. And I'm really really tired of not liking the most common theme in my life.
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