Invisibility

It's become clear to me that L is living in the house I shared with E. None of our mutual friends will confirm or deny, on my request, but I'm pretty sure it's true. It hurts so badly to be replaced.

I am so much happier than I've been in a long time, and I'm moving forward with my life. It's 12:30 on Monday, and I'm taking care of myself as good as I ever have, but I'm crying. I don't know what to do, or what to say. I can't think of anything that will make me feel better and for eight months I've just been relying on time to heal this.

The thing is, I don't know that I actually miss him. I just feel invisible. I feel erased. I honestly think that if I didn't leave my room for a week, no one would notice. Maybe my boss if I didn't get to Atlanta at least once that week, but all of the people I relate to are far away.

I need closure. I need it so bad. I want to call him, say goodbye, hug, and leave forever. Anywhere but here.